we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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