So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
