i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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