you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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