dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
