i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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