and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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