I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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