Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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