someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
