You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
