How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
