mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
