What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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