new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
