Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
