I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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