I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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