we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
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Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.