I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
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Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.