can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER