apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!