So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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