bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
