Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
