my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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