Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
