I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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