Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
