i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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