so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
