last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
