she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
