You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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