just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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