How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
