His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
