Only a mothe r could love this liver
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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