Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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