covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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