id be glad to
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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