I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
