rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
