I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
