Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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