Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
