you win again, gameday.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
