i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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