It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
