Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
