you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
