Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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