I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
