She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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