He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
