you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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