When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
