He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
