hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
