I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
